


Two Worlds

by honeypressed



Series: (all about) you, you, you [6]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Angst with a Happy Ending, Birthday, Fluff, Getting Together, Love Languages, M/M, Magical Realism, Mention of alcohol, Misunderstandings, Multiverse, Mutual Pining, Pet Names, Unrequited Love but is it????, a lot of confusion, if anyone tells me min needs glasses because of the vision things he goes through i will accost you, me shouting at the top of my voice: I TOOK CREATIVE LIBERTIES, rated teens n up bc of alcohol mention and some swearing, there are forces out there bigger than we are and sometimes we are at their mercy, to be fair neither do i but, yall everyone pray for seungmin poor baby doesnt know what's going on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:40:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21767737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeypressed/pseuds/honeypressed
Summary: If Seungmin had known that making a birthday wish to know if Jeongin loves him back would result in everything that had happened, he would do it all over again in a heartbeat.Because after all, it is always Jeongin, in this world or another, from the beginning to the end.
Relationships: Kim Seungmin/Yang Jeongin | I.N
Series: (all about) you, you, you [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1310708
Comments: 12
Kudos: 109





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Briee_elle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Briee_elle/gifts).



> hello yes it's been ten thousand years i still have no updated paint me no i dont know what happened to get lost doNOT ASK ME arhghggfsf 
> 
> but bri, lovely, lovely bri, asked me to write this and the idea was amazing but i took like over a month to write this so i am so sorry!! but i still hope you can enjoy it <3 i tried to make it clear and comprehensible while maintaining some mystery and i tried to clean up any plotholes but if you... please point them out hgngng

_I could have a chance to walk on another path_

_Another world to live in_

_but_

_I would not choose to_

_Because you make this path, this world precious to me_

* * *

“Happy birthday!” 

There’s another present shoved into his arms and another person pulling him in close for a hug that he returns warmly, smile still stretching his lips wider even though he hasn’t stopped smiling for a good while now. Before he can even thank Woojin for coming, there’s someone else clamouring for his attention and Seungmin is thrown in several directions in a few minutes. 

“Getting older, hmm? I still remember when you were all fresh faced and young…” 

Seungmin scowls a little and turns around to where most of his friends are gathered, trying to figure out who said that, but there’s no point - the words have been lost to the noisy chatter. Anyway, there’s no reason for him to be offended when the oldest of them are older than he is. 

“Oh, how does it feel being halfway to fifty?” 

The nerve of Jisung really, to ask him that when they’re of the same age, dammit. 

Even so, Seungmin can only laugh as everyone talks over each other, asking questions without waiting for an answer and telling a story with only half an ear that’s listening. There’s a small pile of presents sitting on the chair beside him that keeps having more and more presents added to it, and it’s threatening to topple any minute now, but he’s not really paying attention to it. Rather, he’s more concerned with looking around and chatting with his friends who had come from all over the country - and some from other countries, like Felix - to celebrate his birthday with him at his own apartment.

This year, he turns 25. It isn’t a number that really matters to him, just another set of digits that meant another year had passed; birthdays got a little less meaningful each time that he celebrated it now. But now, with his friends surrounding him, he thinks that if birthdays are the one thing that can bring them together, it’s all worth it. 

“Hyung.” 

Seungmin looks up, already knowing who it is because there’s only one person who calls him hyung and also because he knows that voice very well, even amid all the noise. “Jeongin?” 

“Happy birthday, hyung,” Jeongin says, a sweet smile stretched over his lips, and for a moment Seungmin forgets about everyone around him. “Haven’t seen you in a while.” He leans over to give Seungmin a quick hug and for a moment Seungmin thinks Jeongin squeezes his shoulder three times in a row, but forgets about it once Jeongin lets go.

“You saw me last week at the coffee shop,” Seungmin says, accepting Jeongin’s present but not placing it on the pile of presents near him. “In fact, you see me every week or something. You’re the one who sees me the most! What do you mean you haven’t seen me in a while?” Perhaps he’s running his mouth a little but he’s _nervous_ for some reason and that doesn’t make sense. (but yes. yes it makes sense and he will always be a little nervous, his usual once a week routine that he will never really shake off.) He clutches Jeongin’s present closer to him.

“I see you for like, ten minutes,” Jeongin objects, “that doesn’t really count.” 

Seungmin shrugs a little, and the motion is slightly helpless. “Can’t help it, there’s been a big case in the company and everyone’s working like crazy…” 

“It’s still nice to see you once a week though,” Jeongin says, his voice so light that Seungmin is sure he means it only a friendly way. “At least I’m sure you haven’t like, holed up in your office and wasted away or something.” 

“What?” Seungmin says, the question out of his mouth before he can hold it back, because that sounded like Jeongin was _worried_ for him. 

“It makes me worry less,” Jeongin clarifies, and he refuses to meet Seungmin’s eye. 

“And here I thought you wanted to cash in on my life insurance or something,” Seungmin laughs a little, because joking is his way of getting around things, but _good lord, what’s happening_? 

“Oh now _that_ ’ _s_ an idea,” Jeongin says, mirth in his voice and a twinkle in his eye, and Seungmin laughs a little too loudly for something that isn’t a joke. “Though I don’t think I will. Who am I going to ask for coffee if you’re gone?” 

Seungmin laughs again and hopes his cheeks aren’t red. (“You’re blushing,” Minho hisses as he walks behind Seungmin, “this is not a drama, Min.” Seungmin pretends he doesn’t hear and also pretends he doesn’t know all of their friends are probably watching them and trying to guess what they’re talking about.)

Jeongin certainly wasn’t like this just a week ago when they met in the coffee shop. Or maybe it’s because it’s his first time in absolutely ages seeing Jeongin for longer than ten minutes outside their usual comfortably established zone, and he doesn’t know what to do with himself. Or maybe - and now is not the best time to remind himself of this - it’s because he’s in love with Jeongin and has been for more than a while now. 

But perhaps now is also the best time to remind himself of this, with Jeongin dragged into hugs by their older friends and more shrieks added to the general noise. Perhaps it’s the best time now to come face to face with the fact that somewhere along the line of going to high school and then to university with Jeongin just in the year below him, his fondness has blossomed into a crush and then right before he graduated from university, he knew he was in love. 

So here he was, three years later and still in love with Jeongin. 

It would probably be a little pitiful, being in love for so long and still being this helpless, unable to confess. Sure, Seungmin’s told some of their friends - all of their friends probably know already without him even telling them - and they’ve told him to just come clean, _but_. 

But, it’s not that easy. How can he just tell Jeongin that he’s been in love with him for years; that with every little piece of affection that Jeongin gives him, he has to tell himself not to misinterpret it; that he must ruin their friendship in this way and be unable to look in Jeongin’s eye when Jeongin tells him once a year that he loves him. 

(so he doesn’t. so he hasn’t. so he has kept his emotions and his love and his affection all locked up in a glass bottle, transparent so that everyone can see it but not to jeongin. he knows that the glass will break, that the bottle cannot keep storing his feelings, but it will last for now. it must last for now.) 

This year, it is no exception. His friends carry out the birthday cake that Chan, Changbin and Jisung are _absolutely forbidden_ from carrying, all lit up with candles and a loud, incredibly off-key happy birthday song is sung, initiated by Hyunjin. It’s equal parts terrible and lovely all at the same time and Seungmin laughs with tears prickling at the corners of his eyes because god, it reminds him of his nineteenth birthday that he spent in a cramped dorm room and - look how far they have come. No matter how much he complains about them, no matter how many arguments he has with them, no matter what, he really has spent a lifetime with a family that found each other. 

There are a flurry of hugs and arm squeezes and whispered _i love you_ ’s as they place the cake in front of Seungmin, and Seungmin is fine, he’s fine, he can get through this without crying like he’s a teenager again - 

“I love you, Seungmin-hyung,” Jeongin says quietly from beside him, just over his shoulder and passing a plastic knife to Seungmin. “Happy birthday.” 

There isn’t enough time for a proper breakdown. Seungmin can only mutter a quick, choked-up, “Thank you,” since he doesn’t trust himself not to start sobbing. He takes the knife from Jeongin and feels Jeongin’s fingers close around his wrist lightly, and then once more, feels the three squeezes in rapid succession. Before he can ask why Jeongin was squeezing his wrist like that, Jeongin has already slipped away and Seungmin decides he can ask that later. 

“Come on, make a wish!” Jisung says in a hushed shout, so Seungmin balances the tip of the knife against the edge of the cake and closes his eyes. 

He usually makes the same wishes every year, ever since he became an adult and is therefore predictable. _Keep us safe, and healthy. I hope everyone is happy, and it will be another good year_. The wish is fast, easy, _predictable_ , and that is how he likes it, but right before he opens his eyes again, he remembers Jeongin. Remembers the soft _i love you_ and the three squeezes on his shoulder and around his wrist. Remembers that he’s in love and that he’s twenty-five. 

Perhaps he can be a little selfish this year. _I want Jeongin to love me back_ , he wishes, but it’s in such a weak voice even in his own head that it’s just a hopeless dream anyway. _I want to know if Jeongin loves me too, if we have a chance to be together_. And then before he can take everything back, he opens his eyes and blows the candles out, knife dropping into the cake smoothly and lets himself be soothed by the loud cheers and louder wishes of happy birthday one more time. 

They’re so loud as Seungmin removes the candles and cuts the cake into slices for everyone that they hardly realise it’s begun to rain outside, even though the sun is still shining. It’s just the lightest patter of rain tapping against the window panes and strains against the glass for a while as the sun beams down, running down the windows in silver rivulets. 

They are so noisy as they eat the cake and pester Seungmin to start opening the presents that they don’t notice how bright the sun shines in the rain, tiny droplets of water evaporating almost immediately once they land on tarmac and concrete. They laugh inside Seungmin’s apartment and smear frosting onto his face, cramped together but not minding it at all, the warmth of many making up for the slightly lacklustre heating. 

They are so caught up in each other's presence, of the joy of seeing each other properly that they are entirely unaware of the momentary flash of lightning across the brilliant sky, a streak of silver cutting through the blue silk into two pieces and immediately threaded together again, a scatter of clouds along the seam that seem innocuous. 

And then, for one moment, just for one moment, Seungmin thinks he’s hallucinating. 

Just for one second, everyone but him stops moving and he’s _laughing_ into the frozen silence, and how is that possible? His brain is working too slow for him to panic but the silence echoes his laughter and _no one is moving_ but then in the next second he sees Jeongin unfreeze, mid-laughter and swinging his head to sweep his haze over the table. Still, no one moves and Seungmin _cannot talk_ and Jeongin looks up at him confusedly and then two seconds later - they’re all laughing again, like nothing happened. 

_My imagination_ , Seungmin decides, because Jeongin doesn’t look at him to share in their confusion, and no one mentions those weird few seconds where everything stopped except him. His imagination, because nothing unusual happens and the day goes on fine and then it’s almost time for them to leave. His imagination, because it _has_ to be, a hallucination from being drunk on wine and company and happiness. 

Those two seconds remain on his mind insistently, revolving like a broken merry-go-round as he bids his friends goodbye, hugging them and making tentative plans to meet up again. Slowly, one by one, they trickle out his apartment, taking their warmth with them and leaving him in the lonely heat of his radiators. Jeongin is the last one to go, and Seungmin has to remind himself not to think anything of this. 

“I’ll see you again at the coffee shop?” Jeongin asks, smiling with all his gums and Seungmin is grateful he can blame the redness of his cheeks on the alcohol. 

“As always,” Seungmin sighs. “You know me, I love the pastries and I need the coffee to get through the week. Why do _you_ always go there? I hardly think you have any reason to.” 

“Have _you_ dealt with elementary school kids for hours on end?” Jeongin shoots back, “I don’t think so.” 

Seungmin laughs at that, tipsy with wine and love and by now his brain isn’t functioning anymore. “Good point. So… I’ll see you then?” 

“See you. Happy birthday again, hyung,” Jeongin says, leaning on the door frame to slip his shoes on. “Oh!” He stumbles a little and Seungmin shoots a hand out to steady Jeongin. It leaves them a little tangled together, standing close. Seungmin’s settled, ready to let go and just close the door once Jeongin is ready and see what he can do about the mess in his kitchen, but then Jeongin turns around, facing him from outside the doorway. 

“There’s also another reason why I like to go to the coffee shop, hyung,” Jeongin says quietly, and suddenly Seungmin’s ears seem to feel with loud, loud static. Damn Minho for making him down another shot. 

“Care to tell me why?” Seungmin says, trying his best to keep the lighthearted, teasing tone in his voice, but god, the wine must really be getting into his system - why does he feel so dizzy? Jeongin hasn’t let go of his arm.

“Because… because I get to see you, hyung,” Jeongin admits, and _oh_ he’s _blushing_. 

Seungmin blinks. “Oh. You - I mean - you always see me.” 

“Because we go to the same coffee shop,” Jeongin says, just the slightest trace of laughter in his voice, “but I’ll go now. It’s getting late, and I have lesson prep. See you, hyung.” 

“Alright, see you,” Seungmin says a little weakly, and watches Jeongin walk away and down the stairs. _Did he_ … no, he must have been too sensitive. Jeongin definitely wasn’t squeezing his arm again. Once he’s satisfied that Jeongin is gone, he closes the door and stumbles over to the nearest chair, sinking down into it and rubbing his palms over his eyes and pressing his fingers into his forehead. 

_Everything feels so weird_ , Seungmin thinks hazily, and it’s like he can see the world distorting in front of him, colours swimming in his eyes and things becoming strangely out of focus. Everything was weird, he reflects, and the only thing that’s separating him from a typical drama scene is the absence of a whiskey glass in front of him and dim lighting. 

Slowly, he recounts what has happened in the past few hours. Sure, nothing unusual happened in the morning… perhaps it really is the alcohol? All of a sudden, his vision blackens out to monotone for a split second before returning. _What’s happening?_

From all the blurriness, from all the fog, from all the confusion and mystery, Seungmin suddenly focuses in on the wetness of the window, the clarity of which he can make out the individual rain drops making their way down the pane and the sun glinting so brightly off them. 

“It wasn’t raining,” Seungmin murmurs out loud, to himself. “It wasn’t,” He repeats again, like he’s trying to convince himself, but god, his head _hurts_ and all he can see are the bright raindrops and they’re searing into his eyeballs like a tattoo. The loud buzz starts to come back, ringing and punching his ears in so they’re boxed and Seungmin feels _sick_. 

Not sick like he wants to throw up, but sick to the bone, to his very core, like something is changing inside him and around him and it _hurts_ but at the same time it doesn’t because he doesn’t know where the pain is coming from and he can’t move, can’t talk, can’t do anything at all and the raindrops flash golden at him one more time and - 

His vision goes black. 

* * *

Pain. Pain, spreading through his nerves like needles boring down right into them, numbing him right to his core. Pain, rendering him immobilised against the soft sheets he recognises as his bed but feeling more like a prison right now. Pain, tearing him away from his strange rest and thrusting him into the conscious world. 

Seungmin can’t move. He’s lying on his side and his blanket is wrapped over him but - he _knows_ he didn’t fall asleep in his bed. He knows, because he remembers blacking out at his dining table, and because he is so logical, the first thought that occurs to him is that _someone broke into his house and moved him_. 

As one does. 

That kind of panic is enough for Seungmin to overcome the pain he’s feeling and he sits up from the bed, his body feeling oddly stiff. He makes an effort to scramble out of his bed, pushing his blanket away and stands up, the pain draining away with gravity as he does so. 

Nothing in his room looks different. Everything is in place - his scarf is draped over the back of his chair, his books are open where he left them from yesterday morning, there’s a pencil dropped by his table. Everything is exactly as he left it… and yet something feels off. 

Seungmin shuffles out of his bedroom into the rest of his small apartment. Nothing is out of place. There are still some dirty dishes from yesterday, the chair he was sitting in yesterday is slightly ajar and there his phone is, left on the counter. Taking his phone, he’s about to go into his bedroom and charge it because it certainly almost has died overnight but - _hey_ it’s at one hundred percent. 

Seungmin stares at his phone. The battery icon definitely is full, coloured green, but that isn’t even the weirdest thing about it. He has messages. From _Jeongin_. Which is weird, because Jeongin never texts him personally most of the time, and it’s not like they had an unfinished conversation left from yesterday, so why would Jeongin text him? Maybe he had left something here from yesterday? 

Opening his messaging app, he frowns a little. It’s definitely Jeongin’s name, but there’s no chat history in the log and the number listed is different as well. How is that possible? 

[09:07] Good morning baby!! 

[09:07] I’ll meet you at our usual spot at the same time ^^

“What?” Seungmin says out loud, his confusion getting the better of him. Since when did Jeongin text him good morning messages? Using pet names? What usual spot? What same time? 

No, it must be a number he saved wrongly or a wrong number or something, Seungmin decides after a minute of contemplation. Yes, that’s the only reasonable explanation, and Seungmin’s head feels startlingly clear despite the fact that he really should have a hangover from all the alcohol he had yesterday. 

It’s just a weird day, and he puts it down to maybe from blacking out from drinking too much and now he can’t remember anything. Besides, the market is open on Sundays anyways, and Seungmin always goes when he has the time. Deciding to just forget about the past several hours, he gets dressed quickly and grabs his wallet and a shopping bag and checks in his fridge for anything urgent he needs. 

“Fruits, chicken… I need another bag for that as well…” Seungmin mutters to himself, and then grabs a separate bag on the way out. 

A visit to the market will clear his head, he’s sure. The market is always bustling and full of life, just a few minutes walk away in the open square, and he honestly buys more of his produce from the market than the stores. As expected, when he arrives, the market is thronging with people and the noises of people bargaining for a lower price and the laughter from groups of people walking together. It’s already lifting his mood up and the events from the morning start to fade away. 

Going around his usual stalls, Seungmin greets the stall owners and stands at each stall for a while, catching up with the owners and assuring then he’s fine when they say he looks thinner and paler. As he strolls around the market, a small stall tucked away in a corner catches his eye. There are bunches of flowers spilling from paint buckets hanging from the roof of the stall and the counter displays several small menus of hot drinks. 

“Hello!” Seungmin greets automatically when he catches the eye of the stall owner. 

“Good morning,” The young man manning the stall says, smiling at him. “Would you like to buy a drink?” 

Before Seungmin can even take a closer look at one of the menus, someone taps him on the shoulder, and he spins around, clutching his shopping closer to him, hand tightening on the straps on his shoulder. “What -”

“Min-hyung, I’ve been looking for you! You’re kinda late, did you get distracted by the lady at the flower stall again? I was going to look for you there but it’s kind of far away from here - also, you didn’t reply to my messages? Why? Did your phone die again?” 

Seungmin is staring at the guy who tapped his shoulder, none of the words he said going into his head. There is no way this is possible. There is no way that the person who just called him by a nickname, who somehow knew he likes to talk to the lady at the flower stall, who knew he received text messages this morning and that he doesn’t charge his phone - there is no way anyone can know this because he hasn’t told anyone of all of this and _yet_ how is it possible that - 

“Hyung?” 

How is it possible that Jeongin is standing in front of him and smiling and saying all of these things? He resists the urge to pinch himself and instead clutches his bags closer to him. 

“Hyung, are you okay? You look weird,” Jeongin says worriedly. “Are you getting sick?” 

“N - no,” Seungmin says slowly, forming the words like he doesn’t know how to speak anymore, “no, I’m fine. I just - how did - how did you know I like going to the flower stall?” Seungmin can’t stop himself once he asks the first question. “How’d you know I would come to the market today? How did you find my here? This is the first time I’m here, I -”

“Woah, hyung, are you joking or something?” Jeongin asks, laughing a little. “Of course I know you like going to the market, you’ve told me before! You always come to the market on Sundays, and I know you’d be here because you love the drinks here.” 

At that, Jeongin actually turns to the stall owner and orders something, but Seungmin’s too shocked to process anything else. He knows he hasn’t. He knows he definitely hasn’t told anyone about visiting the flower stall, let alone the market, and he has never come to this particular stall before, he’s very sure. _How…_?

“Here, Min, yours.” Jeongin says, passing Seungmin a plastic cup and Seungmin has to scramble to take it as Jeongin turns away again to get his own drink and pay for the drinks. This leaves Seungmin staring at his drink, too bewildered to notice Jeongin hasn’t used honorifics with him.

“Why you like that drink I still don’t know,” Jeongin sighs, tucking his wallet away and sipping at his own caramel latte. “You weren’t lying when you said you liked strawberries.” 

Seungmin eyes his drink. It’s definitely iced coffee with cream on top, and the cream is tinged pink with a fresh strawberry cut in half pushed into the cloud-soft cream. There’s a red and white striped straw leaning against the edge of the cup, and Seungmin is about to open his mouth to ask something, anything, maybe why Jeongin thinks he’ll like this but, Jeongin just pushes the straw closer to his mouth instead. 

“Don’t you complain about me paying for our drinks again,” Jeongin says sternly. “I choose to come out and spend my day with you and I want to buy drinks for us, so I’ll pay for it.”

Seungmin is far too confused to start arguing about something they apparently bicker about a lot. Instead, he takes a sip of the strawberry iced coffee, and immediately goes back another few long sips because wow, it’s _good_. The strawberry is sweet, sure, but there’s a refreshing tang to it that offsets the bitterness of the coffee and the flavours are bursting in his mouth. He looks up at Jeongin, wide-eyed, still drinking, and Jeongin laughs a little. 

“You look so cute when you’re enjoying your drink,” Jeongin says, a small smile curling the edge of his lips. 

Seungmin shrugs, but he doesn’t need to answer. 

“Your lips are stained a little pink,” Jeongin murmurs, coming to stand closer to Seungmin. His hand comes up to cup Seungmin’s cheek, stroking over the softness and an affectionate look in his eye. “You have cream here, silly.” 

Seungmin is completely speechless as Jeongin wipes the cream off for him. Why is Jeongin acting like… like they’re _dating_? Why is his personality such a complete one-eighty from his usual self? There is no way the Jeongin he knows will act in this way, so openly affectionate and doting. 

“You guys are sweet,” The coffee stall owner says, laughing a little from his place, and _oh_ , they both seem to have forgotten that they’re literally standing right in front of him. 

“We’re dating,” Jeongin says a little bashfully, stepping away from Seungmin so there’s once again a respectable amount of space between them. “Have been since university, actually.” 

Seungmin is going to spontaneously combust. “I - we - university?” He manages to squeak out, and his hands are slippery with condensation. 

Jeongin clicks his tongue. “I know, I know, we’ve been over this a hundred times, hyung. _You_ think we started dating after you graduated but _I_ thought we were dating since the first time we went out in your second year… it’s just easier to say since university, isn’t it?” 

Seungmin takes another sip of coffee to calm his nerves and his deepening confusion. “Yeah. Yeah. It is. I - uh… I mean, it’s almost noon…” 

“Oh, that’s right! You remembered, didn’t you?” Jeongin says, taking out his own phone to look at the time. “I have to go at noon, you remembered! I’ll tell you how it goes, Min-hyung. Eat lunch, alright?” Then naturally, without very much thought, like it’s second nature, Jeongin leans in to kiss Seungmin’s cheek and squeezes his wrist gently, three times in rapid succession, and leaves. 

Seungmin ends up sipping his melting coffee and walking back slowly to his apartment, unable to actually comprehend what just happened to him. 

“It can’t be real,” Seungmin says out loud to himself as he fumbles in his bag for his access card to the building. “It can’t be real,” He repeats again as he punches his security code in and enters his apartment. “This is not real.” 

But the empty cup of coffee, left only with melted ice, is physical proof of what just happened in the past hour. On his phone too, another barrage of texts from Jeongin with the different number, all sweet messages telling him to remember to drink water and eat and other reminders of the like. 

“I’m having a fever dream. A hangover dream,” Seungmin declares to himself, “that’s all that it is.” 

It really isn’t just that simple. How can Jeongin change his personality like that so completely? From the shy, quiet and reserved man he knows to… this. Someone open and affectionate, loving and caring and doting and like he thinks that Seungmin is everything in the world to him. He really can’t understand, and he’s more inclined to believe that the person he just met was an impersonator or something. 

There’s just no way it can be Jeongin because he was so sweet and so caring and it’s all that Seungmin’s ever wanted and all the effort that he’s made thus far to make sure he isn’t reading signs wrongly, that he isn’t giving himself false hope, is quickly going down the drain. It isn’t _fair_ to him that Jeongin is behaving in this way, suddenly changing his attitude like this. 

Seungmin slumps down onto his sofa and rubs his palms over his eyes. Too much. Too much has happened, too fast and too close together. Black spots burst over his eyes as he rubs his eyes and suddenly he feels tired. So, so tired. 

He closes his eyes. He can deal with this another day. 

* * *

Seungmin was, quite frankly, dreading Wednesday. Monday and Tuesday were fine, and he had let his work replace all the other worries in his mind, which was mainly one, Jeongin, two, that damned case, and three, _still_ Jeongin. So, work had been an excellent distraction that he had welcomed, but now it was Wednesday and that meant going to the coffee shop at lunch time and possibly - most likely - meeting Jeongin. 

Ever since Sunday, Jeongin with the different number had continued to text him, and Seungmin had but no choice but to reply to make him stop texting him even more. To his shame, he had kind of enjoyed the attention he was receiving, and it was getting harder and harder to remind himself that there was something weird going on. 

Like, for example, the different contact number. And the fact that they were apparently dating when Seungmin is very, very sure that they are not. Or how Jeongin somehow knew he liked to go to the market, and look at the flowers, and how he knew the strawberry coffee would be his favourite. No, there was something weird going on but Seungmin is too drained to try and figure out what’s going on. Might as well just wait it out, he thinks.

But needless to say, he was pretty sure the original Jeongin - was it correct to refer to them like that? - did not know about his crush, and nor were they somehow dating by some miraculous occurrence, but Jeongin with the different number apparently did not think so. It had led to some awkward interactions, and Seungmin would end most nights by simply not replying to Jeongin for fear of making it worse and more awkward. 

It was then on Tuesday night that he had promised himself to ask Jeongin what was going on if they met on Wednesday at the coffee shop. He couldn’t bear going another day receiving texts randomly from Jeongin who wasn’t the Jeongin he knew; he couldn’t bear going another night trying to sleep with his mind plagued full of questions and worries and confusion. 

It was all really just up to his courage now. 

Wednesday morning is not rainy, as his weather forecast app predicts, but rather bright and sunny. As Seungmin washes up, his phone chimes with several notifications in a row and almost immediately Seungmin knows that it’s Jeongin. As it had been for the past two days as well. Seungmin chooses to stall his answering the messages by making coffee and toast, and when he has ten minutes left to leave his apartment, he finally picks his phone up, unable to leave it any longer. (the last time he did, that jeongin called him and he freaked out and didn’t reply and then crafted a long, suspicious excuse. he would rather not have a repeat of that.) 

[08:32] Wake up baby~~

[08:32] Try not to kill anyone at work today haha

[08:32] I’ll see you later 

[08:33] Love you 

Seungmin’s first reaction is to exit the chat log and pretend he’s never read the messages, but there is no way he can leave Jeongin on read this time. ‘ _I love you_ ’, Jeongin had sent. Granted, it was Jeongin with the different number, but his heart has latched onto the words and now he can’t let go of the words, can’t bear to part with this version of Jeongin, can’t face his heartbreak if he actually does meet Jeongin later and it is not the one he was with on Sunday. 

Nothing’s ever fair, Seungmin decides as he shakily composes some texts back to Jeongin. 

[08:52] I’m up!! 

[08:53] You have a good day 

[08:59] Love you too

Shutting his phone and turning away to pick his things up, Seungmin pockets his phone and wishes he could pocket all his worries as well. Even so, with his internal turmoil on whether to return the texts, he’s cutting it very close to getting into his office on time so he rushed out. In his hurry, he forgets to close his window blinds in the living room; the sun shines brightly through the slates, blinking golden and yellow, promising only good things. 

* * *

“Hey, you’re heading to the coffee shop right?” Daehwi asks, leaning against his cubicle and trying his best to not touch any of the stacks of papers on Seungmin’s desk. 

Seungmin, who had been very valiantly pretending he didn’t know it was their lunch break yet, presses his lips together as the words on his computer screen blur together all of a sudden. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

“Can you pick up a coffee for me, please?” Daehwi pleads, “Hyung, _please_ pick one up for me, won’t you?”

Seungmin sighs deeply. “You’re lucky I like you…” He doesn’t even get to finish his sentence before Daehwi lets out a happy sound and leans in to give Seungmin a quick hug and also almost topples two stacks of paper over. “I never said you didn’t have to pay me back!” He shouts as Daehwi scoots back off to his own cubicle, and gives a helpless laugh as Daehwi yells “Thank you!” back at the top of his voice. 

Seungmin guesses that settles it, then. He had been secretly hoping there would be some excuse for him to stay at his cubicle for lunchtime, but now that Daehwi has asked him for coffee he doesn’t really have a choice but to go to the coffee shop. Making sure he has his wallet on him, he stands up and stretches a little, wincing as his bones crack and the soreness in his back makes itself known. 

As soon as Seungmin takes two steps out of the building, his phone starts to buzz with incoming messages. He waits for his phone to finally stop buzzing so it won’t hang - he should really get a new phone - and swipes through his notifications as he waits at the crossroads for the traffic lights to change. There are a few hundred messages from the group chat with his friends, typical; he’s got some spam messages from his phone service carrier and he deletes that without a second thought; some of his other friends have replied to some story or other he posted, and - 

He has messages from Jeongin. Messages from _two_ contacts he’s listed as Jeongin. 

“ _What the fuck_ ,” Seungmin whispers, and crosses the road with his phone clutched tightly in his grip just as his palms start getting sweaty. No, he must have read something incorrectly - there was only one Jeongin, with one number… but the Jeongin he texted this morning and for the past few days had a different number than he remembered… how did that work out? 

The coffee shop is just around the corner. Seungmin ducks into a side road and stares at the messages from the different Jeongins. The contact numbers listed are definitely different for both, and he decides to just take the plunge and open the chats. 

[12:09] Hyung, are you coming to the coffee shop?? 

[12:11] They have the bread you like 

This is Jeongin. Seungmin is very, very sure it is. It is just so like Jeongin to try and pretend he doesn’t care when he does, all his hyungs know this so well. He can’t help but smile and reply quickly that he’s coming, and to get the bread for him. Now, he turns to the other Jeongin who has sent him a considerable amount of messages. 

[11:40] I’ll meet you at the coffee shop!! 

[11:40] I’ll also be a little late 

[11:42] they’ll probably have your favourite bread today too 

[11:43] make sure to go buy it before they run out 

[11:43] see you later baby <3 

[12:07] darling where are you? 

[12:07] i thought i was late but you weren’t here 

[12:16] hyung can you come here? 

Seungmin frowns at the sudden change of tone in the last message. It was sent barely a minute ago, and it sounded like he was serious. Deciding not to reply, he pockets his phone and makes quick steps to the coffee shop, feeling strangely calm despite the fact that he should be almost panicking, and the strange sensation sinks all the way to the pit of his stomach as he opens the door, settling in his palm that ends up staying on the door handle as he stares into the coffee shop bewilderedly. 

“I’m dreaming,” Seungmin murmurs to himself softly under his breath, “I’m dreaming.” 

“Hyung,” Jeongin says, stepping up to him and pulling him clear of the door, corralling them into a corner of the shop. 

“Baby - hyung - what?” 

“Hey - I don’t - what’s going on?” Seungmin stutters, words half-formed and tumbling out of his mouth before he realises he’s speaking because there is simply _no way_ that what he’s seeing is real. Because in front of him - is Jeongin. _Two_ Jeongins. He resists the urge to rub his eyes and pinch himself, because it very much feels like he’s in a hyper-realistic dream. 

“Hyung, do you know - _him_?” One of them asks, stepping up to Seungmin, and the moment he’s within arm’s reach of Seungmin, Seungmin knows it’s him. The Jeongin that he knows, the Jeongin that he’s fallen in love with. Everything about him is familiar, from his cologne to the way he stands and the way he looks at Seungmin, everything is familiar and Seungmin takes a step closer to him instinctively. 

“Jeongin. I - I don’t -” 

“You know me,” The other Jeongin says confusedly, taking a few unsure steps closer as well. “I - we were together. At the weekend, at the market - we were together, I’m sure. We’re _dating_ , hyung, you have to know me.” 

“You’re _what_?” Jeongin says sharply. 

“You’re each other,” Seungmin says, having listened to nothing at all and voice quiet but cutting through their confusion as well as the background coffeeshop chatter. Everything fades into a buzz as Seungmin looks from one to another, looking exactly identical to each other that he would hardly be able to tell them apart. “You - I don’t - that’s why. The different numbers… but same contact. Why - what’s going on?” 

The other Jeongin takes another step forward. “Baby. I don’t know - who he is, even though we look the same. But you know me. We’re dating, we have been for so long… you’ve been weird since your birthday passed, though.” 

_Birthday_. Seungmin stares at the other Jeongin in shock. _My birthday_. That was right. Everything had been weird since his birthday - or more accurately, the day after his birthday, during which he had wished for Jeongin to love him back, to know if Jeongin loved him too. It was close to impossibility but… Seungmin doesn’t know what to think of his brain making the logical conclusions, drawing from one point to the next so smoothly, like it had been in front of his eyes the whole time. 

The seeming freezing of time after his wish, the weird next day when he woke up that seemed like a complete restart, the different contact numbers for Jeongin, the meeting at the market and everything else that came with it… Seungmin had his wish granted. But then - where did this Jeongin come from? Seungmin is sure people can’t just appear from thin air, with fully-fleshed memories and experiences.

“Baby - hyung -” 

“You don’t know me,” Seungmin says, swallowing audibly as he comes to a realisation. 

The other Jeongin looks equal parts confused and offended. “What do you mean? You’d think I know my own boyfriend.” 

“You’re not my boyfriend,” Seungmin refutes, and from the corner of his eye he can see his own Jeongin’s shoulders relax a little. 

The other Jeongin, on the other hand, gets more agitated, crossing his arms over his chest and frowning intensely. “Stop playing around, Min. I don’t know what pranks you’re playing again but you know _me_ , not _him_.”

It has to end now. 

Seungmin bridges the gap between himself and the other Jeongin, leaving his own staring at them. “I don’t know you,” Seungmin starts, and continues on before the other Jeongin can protest. “I don’t know you. You’re Jeongin but - you’re not the Jeongin I know. I don’t know where you came from but - but I have my answer now.” The words are tumbling from his mouth, words that he’s not forming by himself but words that he’s somehow speaking, and with each word that passes, the movement of the people around them seem to slow more and more. “I have my answer, I don’t need you here anymore. Go back to - to where you came from, to the Seungmin you have. I - I have mine.” 

The other Jeongin looks astonished, but then everything freezes around them, people with their limbs locked, holding coffees and eating food and reading something on their phones, everything’s frozen except them. Seungmin’s at a loss, but suddenly, there’s a ripple in the air between him and the other Jeongin, not smooth like ripples on water, but like the ripples are cracking in glass, blossoming between them and stretching until they’re separated, looking at each other in fragments through a sheet of broken glass. 

And then, somehow, Seungmin watches as the other Jeongin as the look of astonishment slides off his face and is replaced by a smile, and he takes a few steps backward as he stretches his hand outwards - and it’s not for Seungmin to take. Instead, he watches as a hand slips into the other Jeongin’s hand, and then he’s watching a version of himself smiling and holding hands with the other Jeongin, laughing and giggling about something he cannot hear, and oh, Seungmin knows, he knows, he has his answer, his wish has been answered but it _hurts_ to see something he doesn’t have, especially after he’s experienced it and - 

A warm hand on his shoulder breaks the glass and now Seungmin is watching the daily going-ons of the coffee shop again. Another world, he realises, and it both relieves and pains him to know of this other world. 

“Hyung.” It’s the Jeongin that Seungmin knows. 

“Jeongin,” Seungmin returns, voice quiet and threatening to shatter as he turns to look at Jeongin. 

“I - I just - I saw everything, but I don’t - I don’t understand.” 

Seungmin knows it’s not the time, that he has only ten minutes left of his lunch break somehow and they’re in the middle of a bustling coffee shop but Jeongin deserves to know, whatever all this has been, and he has to come clean. 

“For my birthday,” Seungmin starts off shakily, not trusting himself to look into Jeongin’s eyes, “I made a wish. I wished to find out if you… if you loved me back, if you love me too and if we could ever be together. It’s so stupid, but I wished that, and then everything became weird. I had another number under your name the next day, and I met you. I mean, not you, but you, and he said things I don’t remember but - but I had my wish answered, in a way, in that world.” He squeezes his eyes shut as he hears nothing in response, and tries not to recall the sweetest way in which the other Jeongin looked at him, and how he’ll never have that and -

“You love me?” Jeongin whispers, sounding shocked, and Seungmin looks at him. 

“You don’t _know_?” Seungmin says, sounding a little hysterical even to his own ears. “It’s been - three years and you - _you don’t know_?” 

“You never told me!” Jeongin shoots back, running fingers through his hair, like he’s stressed. “God - fu - if I had known -”

“What’s going to change if you did?” Seungmin interrupts, having more than half a mind to turn away, to leave his heartbreak behind now that it’s all been laid out open for all to see. 

“I would have _known_ -”

“So what if you did?” 

“It means -”

“It doesn’t change _anything_ , let’s just - forget this happened -” 

“I’m not going to forget this,” Jeongin says firmly. “You wished to know if I loved you back and all this happened. You could have just asked me!” 

Seungmin has to laugh acidly at that. “If I could, you’d think I would have done that much earlier, wouldn’t I?” 

Jeongin softens at that, stepping closer to Seungmin. “I think maybe the other you was a little more brave, hyung.”

Seungmin stares at him, a little heat coming into his cheeks. “What - what do you mean?” 

There’s a pause, like Jeongin is trying to gather words, and then - “I’ve loved you for just as long, hyung,” Jeongin says, voice quiet but the warmth in his voice blazing. “I love you too, if you bothered asking me at all. I just - wasn’t brave enough… I didn’t know if you had the same feelings for me.”

“Like me,” Seungmin breathes, and everything slots into place. 

“I think you still made the right birthday wish though,” Jeongin murmurs a beat later, smiling, and it’s a smile Seungmin has never seen before. It’s so sweet and so endearing, like Jeongin’s finally letting himself express the feelings he had been concealing for so long, and Seungmin really can’t help the blush rising in his cheeks. 

“You think so? After all this mess of… whatever?” 

“We found out, in the end. And that’s most important, I think.” 

Jeongin is standing so close to him that Seungmin can feel his body heat, and it’s the first time Seungmin can look at him without feeling guilty about his feelings. He still doesn’t know what really happened, that he has things to sort out and they have things to work out between them, but for now his heart can be at ease knowing that he has his answer. 

“It took us a long time, didn’t it?” 

But maybe, Seungmin reflects, as Jeongin reveals he’s bought bread and coffee for the both of them, that it was good that they took their time. Three years ago, he was neither as mature as he is now, and getting into a relationship probably wasn’t the best idea at all, notwithstanding all the things he had to balance after graduating university and getting a job and finding a place to stay and everything else that came with becoming a fully-fledged adult. 

Seungmin knows they’ll be fine, whatever happens now. He feels Jeongin’s fingers circle gently around his wrist under the table they’re sat at, and he feels the same, rapid three squeezes once again. Confused and wanting to put an end to this, he looks up, mouth open and poised to ask what Jeongin means by it but then - 

Jeongin is looking at him again. The same look, the one that is so soft Seungmin is afraid to handle the heart he’s been trusted with, but it answers his question without him ever having asked it. 

It has always been Jeongin, after all. Right from the beginning.


	2. Dream Within A Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeongin dreams. When he wakes up, he knows he needs to be a little bit braver.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise!! I thought it would be interesting to explore Jeongin's point of view so.... here it is hehehe. as always, i hope you enjoy this!! (especially bri!!!)

_I dreamed tonight that we loved_

_If I so much as reached out it would be real_

_Yet_

_I need to find my bravery_

_The world that we have is filled only with our longing_

* * *

25, and Seungmin only gets more and more beautiful. Jeongin watches from the shadow of the doorway as Hyunjin and Jisung accost him, laughing and shoving presents in his arms. Seungmin laughs as well, shrieking and whining as Jisung plants a kiss on his jaw. His eyes are crinkled up and his hair is mussed up and he looks so pretty like this that Jeongin doesn’t know what to do with himself. 

“You know you can go up and talk to him, right?” Changbin says, just the slightest hint of amusement present in his voice as he comes to stand beside Jeongin. “Are you ever going to believe us when we tell you the feelings you have for him are mutual?” 

Jeongin elects to ignore him, and giggles when Changbin barks at him for ignoring his hyung. 

“We’re not lying, you know,” Changbin adds after another moment of them watching Woojin hug Seungmin. “Also, if you would get together in the next month it would be really convenient, because I would win a lot of money.” 

Jeongin lets out an outraged sound. “You’ve been _betting_ on us? Hyung I… I...” 

Changbin stares at him, wondering why Jeongin’s stopped talking, and it’s only when he traces Jeongin’s line of sight that he realises why Jeongin stopped. “You’re hopeless,” Changbin sighs, “stop staring at Seungmin just because he’s smiling. Go _talk_ to him. Goodness knows you’ve been standing here eyeballing him for dear life for how long.” 

Jeongin leaves Changbin standing by the doorway to make his way to Seungmin, pretending it’s of his own volition and not because of his hyung egging him on (a little bit too enthusiastically, if you ask him). 

Seungmin is just as brilliant and beautiful as Jeongin can remember, and he remembers all of it. All the ten minute windows each week where he has Seungmin to himself, where the coffee shop servers will mistake them as a couple and Jeongin gets to see Seungmin fluster but not deny it, where he has a chance to delude himself that he has a chance with Seungmin. 

At this point, it’s more about his lack of bravery rather than disbelief that Seungmin returns his feelings that stops him from just confessing he’s been in love with Seungmin since university. It’s not that he hasn’t _tried_ \- it’s just that he’s not that good at expressing his emotions verbally, at expressing his emotions clearly, and he finds it leagues easier to express it in other ways. 

Like the three squeezes he’s recently started to give Seungmin. 

It’s a habit he had picked up from his parents. Three squeezes always meant, ‘ _I love you_ ’, on any part of the body, wrist, shoulder, waist, arm - anywhere. When he started doing it, he did so lightly he was sure Seungmin couldn’t feel it, but as time went on and he started doing it more strongly, he’d find Seungmin looking at him curiously, almost ready to ask why he did that. Everytime, he cops out. 

It still boils down to his bravery. He’s not brave enough to answer Seungmin’s question and had been secretly hoping by some miracle that Seungmin would know what he meant by the touch, even though he knew Seungmin wouldn’t. 

Yet, day by day, week by week, he gains a little bravery. And now, just as the lights are dimmed and the candles are burning and Seungmin looks close to tears as they set the cake in front of him, Jeongin feels the candles lighting a blaze of bravery in his chest. The same words that he says to Seungmin once a year, the ones that mean everything and more all at the same time and the words that he wants to say with all his heart. 

“I love you, Seungmin-hyung,” Jeongin says, eyes fixed on Seungmin, brave in the dark. “Happy birthday,” He adds, just to soften the blow a bit, and he just manages to see Seungmin turn watery eyes on him, lips parted like he wants to say something before Seungmin turns away again to shut his eyes and make his birthday wish. 

And for a moment, for one moment right then, Jeongin makes a wish too. An entirely selfish wish. 

‘ _I want to know if Seungmin-hyung loves me_ . _I want to see if we can be together_.’ 

His selfish wish haunts him the whole time throughout dinner and watching Seungmin cut the cake and dish it out, he wonders if he should be feeling guilty. Maybe he should be, but there’s no guilt building up in his chest as he thought might be when Seungmin sometimes tells him sweet, sweet things and he has to battle himself to not take it in a romantic way.

Pushing his thoughts aside for the moment, he reaches out to take a plate of cake from Seungmin, but for one moment his vision blurs out and he sees one thin, bright red string burning itself into his eyes, unable to see what the two ends actually joined. Then, just as fast as it came, the red fades away and his vision comes back to him. Setting the plate down in front of him, he shakes his head a little. 

_What was that_ … Jeongin takes a deep breath and joins back in the conversation, putting it out of his mind for the moment.

But there’s no reprieve it seems, because suddenly his vision goes black, completely black and he _can’t see anything_ but then everything comes rushing back at the same time and there’s streaks of purple and pink running across his field of vision. He swings his head around, confused and desperate to ask someone something and perhaps it’s a trick of his mind but he sees Seungmin looking at him, but then the streaks shatter and everything is back to normal again. 

_Nothing’s wrong_ , Jeongin tells himself, busying himself with chewing a piece of cake. _Everything is fine, I’m just tired_ , because it’s far too much for him to deal with whatever it is that he’s seeing now, and he just needs to get through tonight. It also helps that he has a bit more alcohol than he normally would, and by the time he’s ready to leave, his mind is a pleasant haze and his mouth is a lot looser than it normally would be. 

“I’ll see you again at the coffee shop?” Jeongin asks. He’s the last one to leave, and he can just make out the redness of Seungmin’s cheeks. _You look adorable_. 

“As always. You know me, I love the pastries and I need the coffee to get through the week. Why do you always go there? I hardly think you have any reason to.” Seungmin’s frowning a little, like he’s remembering the work he’s doing again. 

“Have you dealt with elementary school kids for hours on end? I don’t think so,” Jeongin says, and gives Seungmin his final goodbyes and another happy birthday wish. He slips a little while trying to wear his shoes and ends up leaning on Seungmin for support and as he turns around to face Seungmin, the liquid courage is giving him more incentive than he normally would, and the words come out of his mouth. 

“There’s also another reason why I like to go to the coffee shop, hyung.” 

Seungmin replies in a teasing manner, but Jeongin can see he’s a little nervous and - why would he be nervous?

“Because… because I get to see you, hyung,” Jeongin says, and _damn_ he’s _blushing_ , he can feel the heat in his cheeks, _goddamn_. Still, it’s worth seeing Seungmin fluster like this a little and then he says his goodbyes for real, descending the stairs and taking a cab home. 

He gets ready to sleep immediately, knowing he’ll probably have a headache in the morning, but more than that, he’s got Seungmin on his mind, Seungmin’s smile and laughter and hugs and _everything_. The weird moment of seeing nothing crosses his mind as well but he puts it down to his imagination and perhaps having a tad too much drink. 

Turning off the lights, Jeongin gets into bed and squints into the darkness for a fair few moments. What if he had confessed to Seungmin just now…? Would that have been a good idea? No, that wouldn’t be good, they were both drunk and might not remember anything the next day. But wasn’t there that saying about drunk actions, sober thoughts or something like that? 

No, everything is too much right now. Jeongin closes his eyes. He’ll deal with everything when he wakes up. 

* * *

It’s the quiet that wakes Jeongin up. Or - is he awake? 

He cannot remember anything. For a good few minutes, he stares up at the unnaturally blank ceiling, mind so blank that it seems like it’s been wiped clean with a cloth. There’s a strange urge to panic, but he _cannot remember anything_ so what is he supposed to be panicking about? Meaningless shapes form out of nothing in front of his eyes in colours he can’t name and then it starts to take a form, the colours melding into something like honey brown, a colour that is so incredibly familiar but he can’t quite place what it is yet. 

And then, more shapes, a pair of eyes that blink and disappear; a mouth tinged pink and red with a beautiful smile that melts away; the outline of a body, slim and tall, movements graceful and then adorable with each passing moment; the colour of gold in the sunshine and then oak in the dusk, equal parts brilliant and calming. 

It’s someone he loves, Jeongin realises mutedly, watching the images break into a million pieces the moment he tries to place who it is. _Why can’t I_ … 

The shapes form two vague outlines of two people, one that he’s been trying to place and a new figure. The honey brown, the gold, the oak - he knows that, that feels familiar, even if he can’t place who it is yet. He watches as the two figures intertwine and separate like they’re dancing a waltz, and the new figure that wasn’t coloured starts to be slowly inked in, all dark grey and silver to complement the gold. Suddenly, without warning, the figures meld into each other and there is a burst of colour, scarlet and vermilion and violet and lavender, ribbons of colour staining one figure purple and the other pink. 

Like a movie he’s watched before in a dream, Jeongin watches it unfold. The faint background of a school in the background, and the two figures meeting each other within a myriad of other colours. The hearts within each figure that was beating at their own pace stops, glowing a bright white, and then continues again, this time beating in sync. 

Another scene, this time looking like the scene of a goodbye, all luggages and bags and scarves. A promise, Jeongin thinks, because when the figures separate after a hug there is a string looping around their pinkies that doesn’t break even as the purple one walks away. The string burns red as their hearts still glows white, and Jeongin doesn't need to remember anything to know this is fate.

Another time, one more scene, the two figures again, colours more muted as they have grown up. Where are they? Jeongin doesn’t know, but the red string is the shortest it has ever been, and the white pulse is beating so fast as the colours blend together into a beautiful burst of pink and red and purple. As the figures come apart, still lingering in each other’s personal space, the colours suddenly melt away, replaced by human features outlined in black and white and grey and Jeongin finds himself looking at a face with the remnants of purple melting away. 

“ _I love you_.” The words are tinged with purple, visible and inking over his skin as Jeongin looks into the eyes that he knows all too well. 

“ _I love you too_.” These are words he says but it is not him that is saying them. The words are bright pink and curl onto the edge of his fingers, soft and yearning but _this is not him_ and as Jeongin looks into the honey eyes for the third time, he finally places the name. 

_Seungmin_. 

Immediately, the colours and outlines and images shatter, joining a whirlwind that’s growing around him, blowing memories back into him forcefully, and with each memory that comes back a wave of emotions crashes into him as well. A million opposing emotions assault him from all fronts and it’s all _too much_ , all the feelings that he’s been keeping to himself now brought out into the open for him to remember and confront. 

Too much. It’s all too much. 

Jeongin feels almost nauseous, not like he wants to throw up but nauseous to his very core, every bone in his body feeling like it’s red hot and molten and threatening to change. It hurts but it’s numbing at the same time and the whirlwind around him burns a brilliant silver, so bright that he must close his eyes and the moment he does - 

His vision goes black.

* * *

The ceiling is white. Jeongin slowly sits up from his bed and rubs his eyes as he surveys his bedroom. He definitely had a weird dream, no doubt about that, what with so many colours and a vague sense of pain and panic and - what was that on his hand? Around his pinkie there’s a bright red band like an inked-on ring, trailing down and circling his wrist then disappearing and melting into his skin. Jeongin stares at it, bewildered, and decides he has better things to do. 

As he gets up and slowly starts to wash up, he’s left with a sensation that something has changed, or is changing. He can’t quite remember what he was dreaming about but he knows it was something to do with Seungmin. He doesn’t really want to search in his mind what the dream about Seungmin was because he has a feeling it’ll only break his heart and he isn’t about to start his Sunday morning off with daydreaming about what cannot happen.

Trying to make himself busy, he wonders why he doesn’t have a hangover - did he drink less than he thought he did? He makes himself some breakfast, toast and coffee and slumps down on his kitchen chair to scroll through his phone, letting the mindless news take over his brain. 

Except - the dream comes back to him whether he wants it to or not. 

The purple of his toothbrush reminds him of Seungmin; the brown of his coffee reminds him of Seungmin; the fading red band around his pinkie reminds of Seungmin. Everything he tried not to remember is coming back to him and it’s _unfair_ because it’s giving him false hope, the dreams that are so real it seems like it’s from another world. 

Jeongin wants to change something. 

Getting up and placing his dirty dishes into the sink, he goes into his bathroom to get ready. He stares into the mirror, not seeing himself but rather seeing what could be, the dreams that are threading itself into his reality. The figures that he dreamed of - they became a reality because they had bravery and the courage that something better would come of it; perhaps it is about time he had the same bravery and see where it takes him. 

Walking back into his bedroom, his phone screen lights up with an incoming message from Chan asking him about one thing or another. Looking at the notification without reading it, Jeongin types out the message and sends it before he can think twice. 

[10:19] hyung

[10:19] can i meet you today? 

[10:19] i wanna talk about something 

[10:19] it’s about seungmin-hyung

Then Jeongin slumps down on the bed, like he’s just realised what he’s done, but it’s already done and dusted. Chan replies almost immediately, confirming that they can meet today at lunch time, and Jeongin takes a deep breath, willing his heart to calm down. He’s not even meeting Seungmin yet he’s already this nervous just thinking of talking about it. 

But he has to. He has to endure this and be brave and hope that something will come out of this, before he’s too late and Seungmin won’t be there anymore. 

Sunday afternoon is unusually warm, the last vestiges of true summer prevailing for one more day before autumn sets in breezily. Jeongin drapes his jacket over his arm as he waits outside the coffee shop for Chan to show up and tries to not appear that nervous. Fiddling with his phone, he’s momentarily distracted by some notifications, missing a figure running past in front of him, apparently in a hurry. 

Confused, Jeongin looks up. He’d smelled something like his own cologne when the person rushed past him, and he squints down the street into the sunlight to try and see who it is, but just as he’s about to concentrate, there’s a tap on his shoulder.

“Jeongin!” It’s Chan, and he looks as cheerful as usual, smiling warmly. “Let’s go get something to drink?” 

“Only if it’s on you,” Jeongin says, leaping at what he sees as an opportunity. 

Chan sighs as they enter the coffee shop, the low chatter of people instantly washing over them. “You ask me for help and now you want free drinks. You’re getting too spoiled, Jeongin-ah.” 

Jeongin pretends not to hear Chan and orders his usual drink before smugly waiting for Chan to place his own order. Once done, they shuffle off to the side as Chan scans the receipt critically. Jeongin worries his lower lip between his teeth as Chan continues to eyeball the receipt, and by the time Chan is satisfied for whatever he’s looking for on the receipt, Jeongin’s kind of gotten the right words in his mouth. 

“I wanted to ask about Seungmin-hyung,” Jeongin starts before he loses the words, “I just - I had a weird dream last night, and yesterday at the birthday party - I don’t know, it feels… different.” 

Chan nods, waiting patiently for whatever Jeongin wants to say next. The words are all muddled up and much less coherent, but Jeongin tries his best. 

“The dream - I dreamed that we were - you know, like, together. And like I know that won’t happen -” Why’s Chan rolling his eyes? The audacity, “- but the dream felt so real! Then yesterday, at the party - hyung, I’m not sure but… he looked like he was going to cry. When - when I said I loved him.” Jeongin takes a breath and steadies himself. “I just thought… maybe I should try and - and confess?” His voice has gone from being low to a tiny whisper, like he isn’t sure of his choice and what he’s feeling, and Chan’s heart melts instantly. 

“C’mere,” Chan says, pulling Jeongin into a tight hug, letting Jeongin bury his face in his neck. It always instantly transports Chan back to when they were all in high school, so much younger than they were now and when Jeongin was small, so small, a baby even by their standards, and how even to this day, he will always be their youngest. 

“Listen,” Chan starts, once Jeongin lets go and they’ve quickly collected their drinks to sit at a table. “Nothing has happened up until now, right?” 

Jeongin nods hesitantly, sipping his coffee. 

“And do you know why nothing has happened?” 

“Because… I haven’t done anything?” 

“It’s because both of you haven’t done anything,” Chan agrees. “And that doesn’t mean that’s a bad choice - you’ve remained really good friends and both of you have grown so much. But maybe it’s worth taking a risk, sometimes.” 

“I just - I’m afraid, hyung,” Jeongin admits, hands laced together over his coffee cup, “I’m afraid of losing him and - and that nothing will be the same again. I’m not that brave to - to do all that.” 

There’s a silence, then Chan starts speaking. “Our whole group has been through a lot - getting together and break-ups too. It got difficult but look at where we are, Innie. Your dream - it showed you what you could have, but how would you know for sure if you don’t try? Don’t let this one thing be a regret you have for the rest of your life, Innie.” 

Chan says all of this affectionately, softly, and Jeongin knows he’s remembering the times when they had fights, when some got together and some didn’t last and then even more. And yes, they’ve made it through the storm into the sunshine, except that Jeongin’s been in the sun for so long he doesn’t know if he can make it if it turns grey again. 

Still, he knows Chan is right. The grey won’t last forever, and he wants to know what it would feel like to be able to look up into the clear blue sky without wondering about all the what-ifs. 

“Okay, hyung,” Jeongin whispers, words stuck in his throat but audible nonetheless, “I will. I’ll do it.” 

Despite Chan’s encouragement and assurances - and, of course, all of his friends, including some of which were doling out cash and bets, much to Jeongin’s exclamation of _we’re not together yet_! that went unheard - Jeongin doesn’t know how to go forward. 

Should he call Seungmin up and ask to meet up? Should he just offer dinner and then clarify it was a date? Should he confess by text? God, there were too many options and every one of them felt lacking in a certain way that left him unsatisfied. By the time he’s done pondering, the weekend has ended and he finds himself waking up at six in the morning to go in for his teaching job at the local kindergarten. 

The kids, at least, distract him from all his worrying, but even they can’t stop his thoughts when he returns to his apartment in the evening, dark and quiet. Putting a stack of papers down on his table, he makes a quick call to some takeout service for dinner, and he’s intending on spending the evening doing some marking and lesson plans, but all of that goes out the window when he sees a message on his phone. 

[19:17] sooooo 

[19:17] how’s the confession going 

Jeongin sighs. Minho, nosey as always, but there’s a certain degree of warmth and caring beneath his teasing words that Jeongin has learned Minho disguises so well. 

[19:18] i haven’t done anything yet hyung

[19:18] everyone’s reminding me about it T-T

[19:19] how does anyone do it… 

[19:19] ahhh i thought you did it already 

[19:19] do you need hyung to call you? 

[19:19] don’t think too much about how to do it

[19:20] your emotions are more important 

There is no reason for Jeongin to get so emotional by Minho being so concerned about him but he is _emotional_ and tears are pricking at his eyes as he replies. Sometimes he forgets that Minho is really his hyung, that Minho is older than him and probably has been through more heartbreak than he has. 

[19:20] no no i’m okay 

[19:20] you know i’m not really good at that…

[19:22] if it’s easier for you, meet up with him 

[19:22] and min isn’t a stranger

[19:22] he will know what you mean 

[19:22] you just need to be brave innie-ah!!! 

[19:22] hyung is cheering for you~~~ 

[19:25] i will try my best 

[19:25] T-T 

[19:25] thank you hyung

It’s Tuesday night. Jeongin reads Minho’s advice again, turning it over in his head as an idea starts to occur to him. If Seungmin meets him as usual on Wednesday at the coffee shop… and he could make Seungmin stay for more than five minutes… he was free on the weekend too… and if he made a restaurant booking on Wednesday night they would be guaranteed a place - 

The plan forms rapidly in Jeongin’s brain, and there’s a rising crest of nerves and excitement in his chest now, making his hands shake and mind unable to concentrate on anything else. He needs to do this. He needs to tell Seungmin. He needs to be brave, just for once in his life and see where it takes him. 

He goes to sleep on Tuesday night without having really slept at all, and it’s the heat of Wednesday morning’s sun that really makes him wake up. 

It’s such an unusually sunny day, Jeongin muses as he walks to the coffee shop when he’s finally on lunch break, and by this stage he’s vibrating with nerves, not knowing how it’ll all go. He sends off some messages to Seungmin. 

[12:09] Hyung, are you coming to the coffee shop?? 

[ _message cannot be sent_ ] They have the kind of bread you like 

Frowning, Jeongin leans against a pillar in the shop just past the entrance of the shop and tries to send the message again. 

[ _message cannot be sent because the user does not exist_ ]

“That can’t be right,” Jeongin murmurs under his breath, and decides to just delete the original message and type it again. 

[12:11] They have the bread you like 

Once he checks that the message has really been sent, he pockets his phone, Jeongin glances at the door and the display of breads, and decides to just buy something for them first before it all runs out since Seungmin is running late today. The lunch rush hour hasn’t settled in yet, thankfully, and Jeongin has just set the coffee and bread on the closest table to the door when he hears the doorbell sound behind him. Turning around, he’s intending on checking if it’s Seungmin but he comes to face with - himself. 

No, it cannot be, and - and yet. Jeongin’s facing a carbon copy of himself, from the dyed colour of their hair, to the clothes they’re wearing and the way they’re both on the defensive. Everything is exactly the same like Jeongin’s cloned himself, and there’s something loud ringing in Jeongin’s ears along with a faint pain behind his ears like something is wrong, like something in the world has shifted.

“What - who - who are you?” His carbon copy splutters, phone in hand. 

“What - Jeongin. Yang Jeongin, you?” Jeongin says defensively. 

“I - no. _I’m_ Yang Jeongin.”

“This is too weird, it doesn’t - why are you here?” 

“I’m waiting for my boyfriend,” The other Jeongin says, typing something into his phone with a frown on his face. “He should be here any minute now…” 

And right then, right on time like he knew they’d been talking about him, Seungmin walks through the door and comes to a frozen halt, staring at them wide-eyed, disbelieving of what he’s seeing. He’s murmuring something to himself, but Jeongin steps up, pulling Seungmin’s arm gently. 

“Hyung,” He starts, pulling Seungmin clear of the door and stepping away again, not sure where to start. The other him speaks up, calling Seungmin by a pet name and the rush of _red_ through his veins is unlike anything else that Jeongin’s ever experienced. He has to tamp it down, feeling a little embarrassment rush into him now.

“Hyung, do you know - _him_?” Jeongin asks as Seungmin stutters out something, stepping closer to Seungmin, and somehow, _somehow_ , Seungmin recognises that this is the Jeongin he knows. Some of the tension bleeds out of Seungmin’s frame and it takes everything in Jeongin not to just hold Seungmin right there and then and try to fix this situation by himself. 

“Jeongin,” Seungmin starts, shuffling closer to Jeongin, “I - I don’t -” 

“You know me,” The other him says, looking unsure but coming closer as well, “I - we were together. At the weekend, at the market - we were together, I’m sure. We’re _dating_ , hyung, you have to know me.”

The red rises in Jeongin so fast he doesn’t even know what he’s saying. “You’re _what_?” The words are so harsh that he doesn’t recognise himself, and he has to reel himself back in. 

Like he’s heard nothing of what’s going on, Seungmin starts talking like he’s in a daze. “You’re each other. You - I don’t - that’s why. The different numbers… but same contact. Why - what’s going on?” His voice is shaking, the stutter becoming more pronounced, and everything is too much, the red, the pain behind his ears, the ringing, it’s all taking over Jeongin’s brain. 

“Baby,” The other him says, “I don’t know - who he is, even though we look the same. But you know me. We’re dating, we have been for so long… you’ve been weird since your birthday passed, though.” 

There’s a dead moment of silence filled by the background noise of the coffee shop patrons, and Jeongin can see the look of realisation starting to dawn across Seungmin’s features, like he’s put something together. Cutting across whatever the other Jeongin was about to say, Seungmin starts talking, refuting all of the other Jeongin’s claims. 

“I don’t know you. You’re Jeongin but - you’re not the Jeongin I know. I don’t know where you came from but - but I have my answer now. I have my answer, I don’t need you here anymore. Go back to - to where you came from, to the Seungmin you have. I - I have mine.” 

There is too much in what Seungmin said for Jeongin to process, and _god_ it hurts, it’s so damned _painful_ , and something feels like it’s tearing all the atoms in Jeongin’s body apart, everything _is just agony_ and he loses himself for a few moments. 

Once again, numbed by the darkness, he sees the pink and purple ribbons. He sees the red strings. He sees the beating white pulses that are synced together. He can’t stay here. He needs to go back, needs to go back to his own Seungmin, his own world. This is not for him. 

And as if his decision was heard, the darkness retreats rapidly, leaving nothing but the pink, purple, red and white taking over one by one until the whiteness shines so brightly he has to close his eyes, and when he opens his eyes again, he’s in the coffee shop, Seungmin standing next to him and staring at something Jeongin cannot see, yet he knows that they have seen the same thing. 

It takes a few moments for him to recover, but when he does, he places a gentle hand on Seungmin’s shoulder. “Hyung.” 

“Jeongin,” Seungmin says, voice so thin it sounds like glass splinters and it lodges in Jeongin’s heart. 

“I - I just - I saw everything, but I don’t - I don’t understand.” Jeongin is lying. He knows. He knows what it means, he understands, but he needs to hear it from Seungmin, _desperate_ to hear it from Seungmin. 

At first, Seungmin doesn’t talk, but then, in the smallest voice possible, he starts speaking. “For my birthday, I made a wish. I wished to find out if you… if you loved me back, if you love me too and if we could ever be together. It’s so stupid, but I wished that, and then everything became weird. I had another number under your name the next day, and I met you. I mean, not you, but you, and he said things I don’t remember but - but I had my wish answered, in a way, in that world.”

No. There is no way this is happening right now. “You love me?”

But it is. It’s real. They may have a small fight there and then, but it’s real. Seungmin loves him, and - he loves Seungmin too. There is exactly none of this that feels real, but Seungmin is standing in front of him, tears a film of diamond over his eyes and all honey and oak and he is all that Jeongin has ever wanted. It’s too soon to say anything else as they sit there with the bread and coffee, but Jeongin gently squeezes Seungmin’s wrist three times and the question in Seungmin’s eyes goes answered without any words between them. 

Their wish has been answered. 

* * *

Somehow, nothing and everything changes after that. Their friends are, thrilled as expected and are definitely more excited than they are. Some more money also exchanges hands between their friends but they both laugh and pretend they can’t see it, indulging their hyungs for putting up with them for all these years. 

And, between them, everything and nothing changes as well. He’s still not that good at expressing his emotions so openly, but all the affection he’s kept under lock and key for years is stronger than what he expected, and he can’t help himself. 

“Stop looking at me like that,” Seungmin says, looking a little flustered as he cooks something in the kitchen. 

“What?” Jeongin hadn’t even realised he was looking at Seungmin, phone lax in his hand and screen black. He was on Instagram - how had this happened? “How am I looking at you?” He asks, amused, and oh, Seungmin’s definitely blushing. 

“Just - like, like you’re so happy.” 

Jeongin gets up from where he was sitting at the kitchen table, coming to stand behind Seungmin and places his hands gently on Seungmin’s waist. “I am. I’m so happy, you don’t know.” 

Seungmin smiles, turning around slightly to face Jeongin. “I think I might know,” He murmurs, and he looks so ethereal in the dim lighting, face tired and creased from the end of the day, but he is still the most beautiful person Jeongin has ever seen and his heart won’t stop thumping incessantly. 

“I got us a reservation for next weekend at this restaurant,” Jeongin says as Seungmin fries some noodles. “Is that okay with you?” 

“Is this a date?” Seungmin asks, plating up the food and turning the stove off so he can face Jeongin properly. 

“Yes,” Jeongin says, and instinctively, squeezes Seungmin’s waist three times. 

The smile on Seungmin’s face is so soft, so affectionate, that his heart is bursting but he knows that the same expression is probably over his face. Seungmin reaches up to cup his face gently, thumbs brushing over the peaks of Jeongin’s cheeks and warmth bleeding into each other. 

“Can I make a request?” Seungmin asks, and it echoes in the small apartment. 

Jeongin would do anything for him right now, under the shitty lighting and smell of food and grease inconsequential to the sweetness of Seungmin’s cologne. “Of course,” he says, and it must suffice for now. 

“Will you kiss me?” Seungmin murmurs, and he must have been so brave to ask it, for there is a flush spreading across his cheeks and nose, lending the prettiest tint to his face. 

“Would you like me to?” Jeongin asks in return, unable to refrain from teasing Seungmin a little. 

“Oh, shut up,” Seungmin grumbles, and Jeongin giggles a little. 

Tipping Seungmin’s up with his hand under Seungmin’s chin, Jeongin smiles. “Don’t laugh, okay?” He slowly inches closer, taking in all of Seungmin up close. 

“What, says you?” Seungmin whispers, right against Jeongin’s lips, and then he closes his eyes. Despite telling Seungmin not to laugh, he is the first one to start smiling, and he can feel Seungmin smile too, right against his mouth, and there is nothing more that Jeongin could have asked for, smiling into their first kiss together. 

They don’t necessarily need words between them, and when they part, Seungmin rests his forehead on Jeongin’s shoulder, fingers laced behind Jeongin’s neck. When he looks up again, Jeongin knows. Knows the red flush of his cheeks, the twinkle of his eyes, the sweet curl of his lips. Knows that Seungmin loves him just as much as he loves Seungmin.

It has always been Seungmin, after all. Right from the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)))) my favourite scene was when jeongin was dreaming but wow the amount of cross-referencing i did... never doing it again uhsghhghg bu t see you guys next time!! thank you so much for reading this hehehe <3

**Author's Note:**

> THIS has been 8k words of bri's "can you write a fic abt the jeongin clone theory" and i was like what's that and was immediately reintroduced to a multitude of skz theories that made me cry bc stays minds are just too powerful,,, bri i hope you enjoyed this!!!! 
> 
> also if ur wondering why i havent updated in forever im just arghghg caught up with college and recently i find myself gravitating towards longer fics rather than 2-3k fics BUT i won't abandon paint me because im too attached to that series but i feel like i want to revamp it to make it more ughdg idk realistic SO the conclusion is dont worry i am alive i will post fics just not as much as i have been for the past year so thank you for supporting me thus far!!!


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